Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Im intimidating
Im intimdating?
Wat what?
why me?
When did i become intimidating?
Im not over ley smart
or overly strong
I cant et straight A
I cnat life 1,000 pounds
Me intimidaitng how?
You're looks
the ones i readwith that i intimidate thie
ME littlold me
Well yes i read you're looks
I'm not always write
Well yes i try
Well no not always
I me?
How cna this be?
I'm that scarey
I intimadet
wHy me?
I never ment to
I never tryed to lear to read yo're looks.
I never evne tred to do this
I never took a clas or sat for houres waching others
I jsut i jsut picked it up
IT's intimidating
It scares you
I scare yo me?
I am no one
I ma not a perons who is even important
I a not overly smar
Or overly strong
SO how did i become so intimidating?

Friday, December 26, 2008

Sorry KAte

I realy should be working on a spresint for my best frined wright now (sorry kate) But i was thinking and i came up with someinthg well i oshudnt tkae the credit im sure the big Man up in heaven wanted me to have the ides so realy more acuritly it's THe Big Man in the sky put an idea into my head so im writieng it so i dont forget

For thos of you who have read the Bible this is in all for of the frist books of the Bible and is udner JEsus Feeds the 5,000. For thos of you who ahvent ever read this befro her is a linkhttp ://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%206:1-15;&version=31; ( fell like in the gospal of john it is writen in grater detal bt ahy thats jsut me) So any way JEsus it talking ot this group of 5,000 well actul not realy that was only the men so lets say ther is a woman for ever man thats 10,000 adn then lets say for ever man and woman ther is one child so that is 15,000. Ok so that isn't like a Biblvcle exact number or anytihng but lets just be safer and say 10,000 count men wemon and Children cool with ever one? SO any way JEsus is talking to this group. So the dsipils are rlealing it;'s getting late and they are geting hungrey and so JEsus says to Philip and is like ware are we going to get food for all thes peopl. Adn philip being praticle is like i have no idea it would take a mouths pay to feed them all he sound like apritty retional dude. Mean while this little kid is standing by and he hears the older mean tlaking and so he goes to Andrew another of JEsus Dispciel and i jsut pictuer this a kid half andrews size saying i have some food take all of it and share it with thes people. So andrws i tihnk boleveing more in Jesus thne Philip says hay we have 5 loves of bread and 2 fish. So you know how it end Jesus brakres and blesing nit and it multibley snad ther is left over and unuf for the kid to bring home 12 baskcits of the bread

Some of you are lke oh cool so what are you getting at ehr is what im getting at. This little kid brought everithing he had to JEsus adn said her have it. Jesus to it he uses it he multibled it he made it better adn the blesed th elittle kid with it by givieng him more food back. What im gettitng at is isnt it the same way with us. God wants us to give our self fully to Him. He wasnts us to give Him our hole life all our gifta all our talints everithng we have give it to Him and God wants to use it. You can speek grate let me mkae youy a ikwed speker and thne im going ot blessing you with speking what i want you to. YOu're a leader grate im goingot amke you a rocking ausm leader and thne im goign to gie you the abilty to help others. God wants to take our life and he wasnt to use it and then say hay im going to bless you. One thing you have to realy get though is some of us arnt goingot be blessed write now some of us wont resev that blessing this ber mint. When we get to heavon one day and God says good jub my good and fathful servewnt that will be our only blessing but that blessign will be better thne any. And others will reseve a blessing that that God will say now lets do the same thing you give to me i use it and ill bless you agen.

The other thing is this only workd if we give it all to God. What if the little kid was like no my food you cnat have it all what aobut me. God wanted that kid to give up everithng he had and let the offering be na over flow of His heart. In the smae way itinhk He wants us to do the same thing. HE wants us to give our hole self to Him and let it be an over flow of our heart. IS the fun nope is it easy? Mope. Is it the funest thing you'll ever do? Nope. But it is best. IT is the best thing for you. I know it;s heard to give God all the control couse it;s heard to trsut HIm someties especil when life is heard, but it is the best thing for us.

I guess what im getting at is ware are you write now. Are you like the little Kid saying take it all. Are yo like PHilip and like um we dont have the mony and you jsut kind dont get it or are you in the midle and cant seem togive it all to God. Whare are you?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

NIm good at nthnig but one thing
I seced at nothign alway exept one thing
My intest are never to acheve
But someon howi alwas stumble across acheving
My hope is never to do but some now ialwy do it
I never want to
but i do

N matte rhow hard itry to fight
THe sicses alway ungolds me
Always pules me into misery
It always has to win
It always has to be wright
IT alway siced

No matter what i do
I alwy and alway will
No matter how hard itry
I alwas do and always will

And tongiht i will bat my slef
I willl batle mysife form the inside
And try to deffet me
But no matter how hard i try '
I will always hurt you

Friday, November 28, 2008

here i though i was going to writea calum a post i guess aoubt maturing adn getting od,er adn how i was learignt semth ign wehni was slapped inthe face with the fact that im not mature i cna try all i want and i cna fake all i want but if you dont undersnt sysety you are not matture

Socil life that my problum sutl hits that are droped i dont undernst i dont udners waht some one wants to her soem thing and when not. When soe oen says so tell me aobt wahts goingon i shurg my sholder adn say i dont knwo not coues i am a cockey teen but forth e simple resniofi dont knwowaht to say. I need prompting i nedd to now wheat they want to knw or igo fo down roads that mean nothing. I dont know wahtot say to that. People think its so easy but weh nsoemone askes a qutsin and i dontnow what to say i almost freez. mabbey that why i like lising so much all it takes of me is the fact of um hum yes yeah nda if some one wnats a resonpns otso meinthg i jsut say waht itihnk but me oh idontknwo how to ltkaaoubt me i spendt so much time not tlkaigaoubt me that i frezze when i have to. When you strat promting me what aobutyoure fmaily ow d oyu flelaobut you';re stiers you mom you're dad im ok. But a wusiont like so waht going on i jsut dont knwo waht to say.

Maturity is not jsut aobut you're etops it isnt jsutamobut underint you but nerstnad syseyty it;saobut now about systey now how to deveolp ni sysyter and find you're place i nsysyity and for me that is ware ilake systey is now ware igrow systerd is was ifall falt on my face knose pbleadng eyse wadering. IT's never abot wh o i tlkat it's alll aoubt i dont kwno wat to say seom water btwen begi coned adn beign boorn i loost the cruceh cell that is answr open ended qusiotn with a gooda snwer and for hat resonand that roesn alon i lfop on my face nd fall to the ground

Friday, November 7, 2008

THe Words thay sting
It's like Acid on my Bar fless
Like fire running acrose my skin
It amkes me want tocry
IT amkes me want to screem
It mkae me wnat o run till ther is nothing left

THe Words TTHey sting
It's like hands on a chak bork
Like tanting that iwll never end
It makes me sick
It makes me hurt
It makes me cring

The Words thay sting
It's ilke hial on the back of ou're neck
Like a sit thats distrod
IT amkes me ach
IT makes me brake
IT amakes me so unsher

They may sems like jsut words
IT amy seem like nothing at all
But know i let you down
But know I've hurt you
IT kills me

Wednesday, April 23, 2008


We all live it we all know it this is waht we live day in and day out life. I have made a voew to my self when i am old i want to look back on my life and be able to be proud of it, i dont wantto look back and regret alot of it. I think the only way i cna do that is by liveing for God. I dont want my life to be worthles i dont know how mcuh itme i have i dont ever know and i dont wantto regret it at all. I have people all around me that set a good example.

my life
it;s all i got
i iwl live it for you
or i iwll live it for God
I'm not going to give it for somethin litte
I'm goignot give it all to God
I;m not goignto let you tell me
I'm not goingot let oyu ahvce my life
I'm givieng it to God
I'm oggn to live it His way
sO give me brake
I wont always be perfect
I wont alwas do everthing write
I'm triyng im trin realy ahrd
Jsut kech me a brake
Let me chile
Don tel me im perfect
Dont try to see me that way
I'm everthing but that
Give me a brake
And give me chance
stop judging em
stop huting em
and stop cutitn me donw
THis is mt life
and im livin it for Him

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Be ware of Crazy thoughts

I was thinkingin the shower (yes the shower) and this is waht i came up with.
I was tihnkinkg aoubt relationships and how we cut them of how we have thme hurt us how everthing seems to go wrongad i think we cna bring it down to one itnhg tommarow. Here is my thought we worey. We use our head to much in a sitwaiton we sohuld us our hart.

Ill start with the second one first. In relationships we use our head iitnhk tomuch and our hart to little. Yes in some sitwaiotn this isnt true, buti have sne to oftne people betting the logic out of a relationship becosue they want to difin it, they want words insted of the felling. Yes we should not let our hart tkae over completly but it is like this. Have you ever noticed that when we go and do someithng creazy someithng dnagers our haeart ski[s abeat and in that one moment our heart tells us dont do this becosuey u cna loos this perons or this thingg. Our mind thogu our bain says no it;s ok you wont. So we shut out our heart and say our brain is wright becouse it is smart it is inteligent it has to be wright. Our hearth thos is wright it is telling use dont loose the thing you love dont do it, but we shut it up and lisne to our head. If we only lisen to our heart thne we wil become desensites we will soon never love beocuse outr mind tells us we wil get hurt soon we will no longer care who we hurt becoes we dont lisn to our heart wich tells us hay you wil hurt this person. THis will kill a realtionship what ever it wil be for me it;s friendships. If we wore to much of what wil happen if we care thne we wil never care adn we will always hurt ever one coue they need us to care

The other thing i say wil ruin a friends ship or i guess any relationsihp is woring aobut tommarow. I think JEsus Him self sums it up perfectly "Do not wore about tommarow for today ahs unuf wores in its self." I think we to oftne worea obout tommaorw wil the carea bout me will they love me tommarow. I think we go wil they what ever tommarow. If we wore aobut tommaore what iwll happen with the relationship tommarow thne we wil have aproblum with it today. I ithnk in mkaing a dision about a relationship we cna only look at the past and today. THe past will not always tell what the futer hold but if in the past you cnaithnk of more good thne bad then the relationsihp is worth time, we ahe to rember tohug physical or verbal abuse will always out way any good in a relation ship. When we wory of the futer we put stress and strain on a reltionsihp when we worry that tomaorw they iwll lever us or tommarow they wil not love us we should tihnk aobt hwo they lover us today how they care for us today. We wory if we tell thme someihng today it will be hedline news tommarow. WE worry that if we let thme know us today tomarow they will ahte us. We fear so much that we hurt what once was a relationsihp . When we expect that the raliotnship wi lbe better whe nwe wkae up tomaorw couse we slept on it we set our self up ofr hurt do not lok to tommarow but look at today dont go to bed with the problum unsolved figure it out otnight and be done with it.

So igues whatim saiyg is lisen to you;re heart and love today dont wore aobt tommaore . Be you;re self and dont wore if they iwll ahte you tommarow dont tihnk aobt tomaore , it's will only hurt Love ith you;re hart and lisen to it whenit says you might loose someone ocues fellings are what make use live.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

50th blog and it;'s for you Slikedy

Iwanto gie you it all back
I wanto give you al lthat incourgment bkac
I wnat to see that smill i lvoe
I want to herar you;re laugh cosu i love it
I want you to be happie
Even if it emans me giveing up everinthg
I wnat you to no t hurt any rmoe
Even if i hadt o give everitnhg for it
I awnat you to knw hjow much Daddy loves you
I want Him to jump outf the corrner and rab you in His arms
I wnat you to fell Him cosue I knwo it;s what you ened most
I want to see you happie
Couse i knwo it;s waht you neeed
Couse i knwo it would mean the world to youy
Couse i knwo you need it
I woudl give anything for you to ahve that
IWish you knwo how mcu oyu are cared for
I wish you knew ow much you are lvoed
I wilsh you knew how mean lives you;ve touched
How mean pole you've helped
I wish oyu know that all
And i wish oyu knew how mcuh i lvoe you
Cosue it;s more thne words will say
More thne icna discribe
And thos words means start to fade
Even if my love dosnt
I love you, I jsutw ish you knew how mcuh
so im posintg this randome blog with tihs one line so icna dedict my 50th blogot osmeone so eyas

Sunday, February 10, 2008


Life just isn’t fear
Even what we try
So Lord please hear my desperate prayer

We can go ahead and dare
But in the end those cares just go bye
Life just isn’t fear

Sometimes it’s just to hear to bare
And we fell like we could die
So Lord please hear my desperate prayer

We send up another prayer
And then lie awake and cry
Life just isn’t fear

It hurts so much so we pretend we’re unaware
So we just try harder it’s the only way we can reply
So Lord please hear my desperate prayer

Sometimes it’s so much pain it can never compare
But we go on just so we can defy
Life just isn’t fair
So Lord please hear my desperate prayer

Monday, January 28, 2008

ther is so mcuh i cna say to you. THere is so mean tiynth ing i wnat to say but idont. I waotn to anexploe adn te lyou mabety the trreson i forgto to day is tha ti ahve so much going on. I stop ever day ot lisne too yu tlka and i try ever day to be ther for you. I push all my heart adn paion aside and i let go of it all. And it;s coemign bakc now. Cosue the trith is im ding inisde the truth is i have os much goingon wright now that i jstu dont wantto dela with it all and hte only roensi enve stay aourtrend is cosue i alred hurt you unuf i know that ful well why souhldi hurt you mroe. Truth is im lflaing apaort and no one is ther to pick up the poicece cosue the poel wo are sopos to care aobut arnt ther to care. Cosue you knwo waht i ware that mask all the itme i ghide waht is relay goingon friom aever one how muhsi have tlife how mcuh this and that. THe tuth is the repsjnio it mse likeim psuign hoyu ais is cosue i nkwo you;l ask and i dont wnat ot tlakobut aoubt it. THe truth is that i cnat stand it any mroe. YOu tihn no noe cares aobuty ou you have teahcer replingot e-mial aa dfirned hwo says they woudl bgiv enayitnhg and everinthg to makte you happie. I have takend so long to car eaoubt you thne i left my self out in the cold. I do to my slef what ever one els does to me. I push my esldef a side and the turth is i dont wantt o dlea with me im tired of em me is jsut soem mesed up likfetle 5 earodl who dosnt undesrnt life wheo dostn get it at all the tuhth is i wnat to be a undesntit 15 ear l who knowwaht to do bt im not im some sturingle litle hlepless 5 yearod wois jsut strating to udnenstr . Im lef tout in the cold no jacked no onoeitnhg and i;ve bnen serving out ther for so long but my deoat are flaing of adn my finger i ncat fell nad i dontknw what to do any mroe.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

A nother knife to thehart
a nother im not good unuf
What am i sops to do when im bledding out
What am i sops to do when no one ther to fix it
You're th eonyl one htat ca so easly make me cry
A nother stap to my heart that ill jsut ahve to close up and brittend it;s noth thare
COuse i dont want you to hurt
I dont want you to bleed
Coiuse i ahve made unufe scres i you;re ahrt
You are a grate frined
so who am i to say any difnfret ocuseit woudnt be true
But em that iaisindt sotry
gues sim not afrined
guess liek with everone les im not gogdunf for you
Guess im realy not a frined to oyu
Cuesssim blind in my thinking
Guess i realy am liek them
I gues to you i dont care
Guess geting in trouble adn getling less sleep pthen idneed isnt good unuf
Guess risking geting yelled ay agne wanst ever good unfu foryou
Just liek evoner one els I'm not good unfe for you

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

You're the onlyone

You're the onyl itnhg that cna hHurt me more then anything
No matter how hard i rry you stil kil me inside
when i let you down i want to die
When i get you mad
it gets real bad
yeahi hate geintg you mad
cosue man it;s so bad
but i do it so often
i barly forgten
it;s semes like all i do
why does that have to be so true
WHy do iahve to let you dwon
IT fesll liekim dgone drowned
Wil lsome one please pick me up
CSUe im lefter ehr and i dont ahve hany strangtth left
IM read to fall and flal realy aherd
Will someone comes come adn pic me up
Cosue it;s hard alway leting you donw
and it's ahrd always messin it up
and its ahrd not gbeign ablet oget thorugh a day with out tickin you of
and it;s ahrd knowing it;s always my falt

Thursday, January 3, 2008

it would be so easey for oyu to roiplace me. I fell like all iever do is mess up and all i cna do is that and i fell like im jsuta nother perosn who's in the way. Im always in the way i always say the worng thing i naever say the wright. I rtry to hard i try to nencourge you try to make oyu hpapie but it;s never good unuf im never good unuf. I always fial i always fall i was hurt you. Why cna i do better? Why cna t i understand? why do i so oftne mess up and hurt you? I wish ocusle do more i wuish i could amek oyu happie i wishi oculd sohw you hwo irealy do care. I msut not be sohwing it cosuei;ve rtryed hear hard to please you ahrd to show you hard to prove yto you hive tried jard to be good unuf. I never wil tohugh. Ill never be good unuf. Im always hgoingto mes sup im always going to fial im always goign to not undensrt im not smart unuf. Why do i always seem to be wrong? why cna ti ever fd it wright? yiu dont expect to much, i jsut give to little. THe old fraz is true it; no you it;s em but this isnt a brkae up ling that rings so untrue for me it;s aline that ahs so mcuh truth so much wisdom it isnt you you never asked for to much oyu never shoot for to high you never wanted to be dispionted oyu were always wright you never were wrong . It's me not binge able to do what sohuld be done it;s me not being able to. I ncat give unuf imn not conmpident in the lest sned of the word im in compident in the strongest snes. It's not you, it;s me who messi it up its me who hurts you it;s me not you

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Risk it all

I will risk everinthg for you
I will risk it all
Anthing ill risk it for you

Buti dont wnat you to
YOu cant risk it all for me, dont
you have it hard unuf
dont risk it for me

you got unuf to dlae with
you have unuf to handle
likfe is already ahrd for you
dont risk it all for me

You're alread perfect to me
you're alred more theni could ever ask for
you are the bestf rined i;ve everahd
you dont need to risk it all

YOu alred give so much
You take so mcuh time fro me
you give me so much
dont rsik it all

I will give you everthing
Ill rtisk it all
Ill tkae it all for you
jsut dfont risk it for me

Ifi oculdi woudl tkae that pain
If i could i would takte all that yelling for you
I would tkae thos tears
i owuld tkae thos night, i'de take it all

I want to give oyu the world
I wnat to give oyu all i have
I want to give you evethign
I wnt to igve you it alll

i woudl risk it all for you
I have risked it al lfor you
I dont care the consiquencs for me
But dont risk it al lfor em couseim not worth it